In my last post, I tried to counter the lie that you have to be perfect. I'm going to do the same thing with the lie that you have to be "ok." I think there is this common misconception that you always have to appear strong and cannot, no matter the circumstance, show emotion if you want to be a strong person. There is also the common misconception that people who do show emotion are weak and fragile. I believe it is the opposite. Not showing emotion does not make you strong. It does not make things better and it does not make you "ok" to bottle things up inside. Pretending to be fine on the outside will not change the pain that you feel in your heart. It won't magically disappear because you try to act like it doesn't exist. That's just not the way life goes. I understand that you don't want to wear your heart on your sleeve and you shouldn't. That isn't the message I'm trying to send.
I think sometimes people, including myself, are under the false pretense that being "strong" is equivalent to being "hard." Hardened to this world, emotion, or any type of feeling. The ability to block out pain is often a welcome defense mechanism. However, it doesn't always benefit the person using it. I should know. For so long, I tried to pretend like I was fine and nothing that has happened over the past year affected me. I thought if I pretended I was ok, that would finally make me strong. Maybe I would even begin to believe I really was "ok." But I was so wrong. I had to come to grips with everything I was feeling all at once. I believed the lie that being strong means being hard and unfeeling, but that's not what strength means.
You can't find strength until you run to God and admit your brokenness. It will make you feel completely vulnerable and weak, but it will be worth it to be honest with God. Tell Him exactly how you're feeling because whether you believe it or not, He understands. He can help you heal. Just remember this: you don't find strength, and you don't become strong, by hardening your heart to your circumstances. Whatever has caused you pain does not have to remain buried. It also does not have to come so far to the surface that everyone can see. True strength is when you allow yourself to feel, but you let God help you overcome those feelings. Healing comes through bringing your hurt to God. Healing comes when you allow Him to replace the hurt, rather than let the hurt destroy you. God may not remove the "thorn in your side." In fact, the pain might be left as a reminder, but the healing will come. Meanwhile, you don't have to pretend like you're ok when you're not.
To anyone who is hurting, I just want you to realize that sometimes it's ok if you're not ok. I know you want to look people in the eye, say "I'm fine," and be on your way. Sometimes the pain is too much to convey to others and you deserve that privacy. However, if you go so long without talking, without recognizing that something is wrong, you will break all at once. And it won't be pretty. Trust me, I know. I've had my fair share of times when I pretended to be strong and failed. True strength is born in the face of adversity. Take comfort in knowing the God who put you in this situation is going to carry you through. He sees your tears and He can count them as they fall. He understands that you're not ok. The pressure to pretend you are will not help you heal. Maybe it's time to allow yourself to feel and then to heal, especially during this time of year. Maybe you have experienced heartache or loss this year and you're trying to figure out how to cope. I get it. It's hard. But maybe it's ok if you're not ok.