CAUTION: This post is for mature readers. I want to begin this post by saying that I will in no way be degrading anyone who has been, or is currently, in a relationship or who has already experienced their first kiss. That is not my intention. I truly want to dig deeper into relationships and the fact that purity is something so important, and sadly, something that has become so lost in this generation. So let's dig right in.
Allow me to introduce myself: My name is Kendra Templeton. I am 21 years old, and I have never had a boyfriend. Therefore, I have never experienced the "first kiss." We have all heard the expression 16 and never been kissed, often used jokingly at a 16th birthday party. I am not sure how common this phrase is anymore, and that is exactly what worries me about my generation. You don't hear much joking about a first kiss after a young person turns 16, or even before that these days. I am not sure if it is understood that someone has probably had their first kiss before they turn my age, or if I am missing something here. Anyway, I am appalled by the fact that many young people, including Christians, think it is OK to date around and kiss each person that he or she dates. Call me old-fashioned if you want to, but THIS IS NOT OK.
In our society, especially Hollywood, relationships are displayed as casual dating and then moving on to the next person whenever you get tired of the last one. Dating should not be taken lightly, nor should a kiss be portrayed in a casual manner. Hollywood shows a scene where a couple, who may or may not be dating (but usually isn't even married), will kiss for a few brief moments on screen. It seems so romantic and of course everyone wants that after seeing it portrayed as such a wonderful experience. However, what Hollywood does not show you is the reality of giving your heart away time and time again. The break-ups that I have personally witnessed have always been worse when hearts became more involved (ie: when two people had shared something as intimate as a kiss). You may disagree with me, and that is ok. You are not expected to continue reading if you become offended by this blog.
Although I am no longer a teenager, my heart breaks for both teens and young adults who are in and out of relationships, experiencing heartbreak after heartbreak. Each time they give away more of themselves, until eventually, I am afraid they will have nothing left to give. At one of the first youth conferences I went to, I heard a powerful message on the topic of purity. The preacher had a young lady and several young men help him with the illustration that went along with his message. The girl sat in a chair holding a small slice of cake. As each young man attempted to win her heart, she gave them a piece of the cake, which symbolized a piece of her heart. At the end, the final guy came along, and the girl had nothing left of her cake (heart) to give away. He was considered "Mr. Right," yet she had already given away so much of herself that she missed out on what God truly had for her. I think this has become the sad reality of our generation. Young people no longer see the value of relationships, so they carelessly give away pieces of their hearts until there is nothing left when the right person comes along.
When I was 17 years old, and a junior in high school, I really began to dig deeper into this whole relationship idea. All of my friends were talking about boys, and/ or starting to have boyfriends. I had some older Christian friends, and many of the girls had a purity ring. I started wondering about this, because it was not something I had seen or heard of before. However, my friends explained the significance of the purity ring, and why they had all made the decision to get one. Their dads had presented the rings to them, and they wore it on their left finger to represent that they would stay pure until they entered into marriage. The purity ring would then be replaced with a wedding band. I was so fascinated by this idea. I knew what it meant to be pure, but I had never actually committed to it. One day I decided to bring up the notion of a purity ring to my dad, and I started looking at some rings online that I felt had the most symbolism. I found some beautiful rings that I liked, but I wasn't sure my dad would be ok with me getting one. Not too long after I mentioned wanting a purity ring, my dad took me out to dinner (just me and him), and presented me with a beautiful ring after we finished eating. It was silver, and had a heart in the middle. It said Love Waits on either side of the band. Right there, in the middle of O'Charley's, dad presented me with a purity ring along with a piece of paper. That piece of paper stated that I would keep myself pure before God and my husband until I entered into marriage. I signed my name, and my dad signed as a witness to my commitment. At the age of 17, I began to understand what purity was really all about. It wasn't even about the ring. It was about what it symbolized, and the commitment I was making.
I am not saying everyone's story should be like mine, but I want to encourage the young people of my generation that purity is still important. It may not be popular, but we don't need popularity. We need purity. For me, making the commitment to remain physically pure until marriage also meant that my boyfriend would not get husband privileges. Purity goes much deeper than what most people realize. It is not just keeping your body pure, but also your heart and your mind. Physical purity is not all that matters. If your thoughts are impure, it still counts. If two people are not held accountable in a dating relationship, it can lead them down a path that they would not have chosen if they could turn back the clock. Accountability is essential to remaining pure, whether you are single or in a relationship. Part of my commitment to purity involves the commitment that I will wait for my first kiss. I want to save it for the man I will marry. You may say, "Well, I'm sure that wasn't hard, considering you've never had a boyfriend." Maybe this is true, but when I do finally meet that special someone, I do not intend to give this up. I hope and pray that the first guy I date may very well be the one that I marry. After all, the end goal of dating should be marriage. If this is true, then I want to be able to say, when I walk down the aisle, "I saved my first kiss for you."
You may think that's weird, and that maybe it will be awkward. None of that matters, because I am hoping that the man I marry will appreciate the fact that I kept myself pure for him. Guys, you should be happy that a girl has saved herself. If not, then you may need to check your heart. Purity is just as important today as it ever was. The problem we run into is that a kiss is no longer viewed as valuable. It is no longer viewed as something sacred that should be saved for marriage. Kissing has become something that is "not a big deal," along with relationships in general. Young person, please do not devalue yourself. You need to understand that your heart, and your purity, is worth so much. Of course, God designed us to be creatures that desire to fall in love. However, He did not intend for His creation to disregard their purity. His design was beautiful, and we have been messing it up for centuries. Let's put a stop to that. Whether or not you have remained pure, whether you are single or dating, can I ask a big favor? Stop what you're doing and consider how many times you have given your heart away. Can you honestly say that you will have something left when God brings the right person into your life? Have you made that commitment to maintain your purity until marriage? If not, I hope and pray that you will seriously consider this.
Although I have never been in a dating relationship, and I have never experienced my first kiss, I am excited for both of these things to occur in my life. I know that it will be much better than I could have imagined, because I didn't give my heart away every time a guy stepped into the picture. I carefully chose which pieces, if any, to give away. I cannot say I have experienced some of the heartbreak that others have experienced, and for this I am thankful. Thankful that I chose, at a young age, to set myself apart from the world. But I am more thankful that God has given me the grace to continue to keep the purity vow I made at age 17. My prayer for each of my readers is that you will understand the value of a relationship, and the importance of the commitment to purity. Girls, don't settle just because he looks like Channing Tatum. Guys, don't settle because she looks like a supermodel. More than cautioning both girls and guys, I want to challenge them to fight for purity. The society we live in belittles both men and, especially, women. Women are objectified, and have no real say in the matter. Where are the godly men who will stand up and fight for purity? Don't get me wrong, girls should dress in a way that does not cause guys to fall into temptation (for another time), but guys also need to become the protectors God created them to be. Girls, do not lead a guy into temptation. Guys, be careful with how you treat a girl, and help her guard her heart.
Proverbs 4: 23-Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.
I challenge you to fight for purity. Will you join me?
